Final Goodbyes, Thank You's and Thoughts

Mom told us some time ago that when it was her time to go, not to mourn her passing, but to celebrate her life. "Don't sit around and cry for me, instead throw a party and celebrate for me" she said. And at the time, when she was healthy and going strong, it was an easy thing to agree with. After all, she had lived her life and prepared herself for judgement day for as long as we all have known her. If anyone was going straight to heaven it was her and how can you not celebrate that. How could you not be happy that she was to be reunited with all her loved ones who went before her? How can you not smile when you imagine that perhaps her and Dad may just be dancing in heaven? Well, it wasn't the first time we didn't completely listen to our Mother, but at least we got the celebrating part right.

I got my hair cut Thursday by the same person who had been to the funeral home to do Mom's hair the day before. She told me we were going to be very pleased with how Mom looked and she was right. The funeral home did an awesome job. Actually, they did an awesome job throughout the entire service. We were very pleased with the complete arrangements. Mom had requested that the visitation be held in the church and we were glad we did. It was nice to have the room to spread out and take our time to visit with everyone who attended. Friday was an emotionally trying day, as we knew it would be. Saying your final goodbyes to your Mother is heart wrenching at best, at any age. The service was very nice and the meal the ladies at the church put on was great. Thank you to anyone who participated in any way during the services.

It's been almost 18 years since Dad died and we've been fortunate not to lose anyone in our immediate family since. You tend to forget just how much it means when people go out of their way to show their respects for your loss. Many of you, especially those who had to come from out of state, made a real effort to attend. This meant a lot to us. Thank you so much to all who attended or sent flowers and cards. Also for the many phone calls and even text messages. We truly appreciate all of this. Speaking of the flowers and plants, wow, pretty impressive for a non Italian family!

It's unfortunate that Mom didn't make it to her 80th birthday. We had planned quite a party for her to coincide with the golf outing this year. We will still have the golf outing as planned, on July 18th. Her birthday is on the 19th. This year we will call it the Ray & Dorothy Broerman Memorial Golf Outing. You are all invited to attend as we keep Mom's wishes in celebrating her life. We certainly will do that on this weekend. The pre party and fireworks will be at Ed's place on Friday and the post party at Bob's on Saturday. Make your reservations and join us.

As for this blog, so many of you thanked me for keeping you up to date throughout Mom's illness. Thank you for all the nice comments. I hope it was just as much therapy to read as it was to write. Many of you said you looked for new updates every day, well, we looked for new comments from all of you every day also. It was so nice to read how much you all cared and to be able to pass those comments on to Mom. I'm glad that it gave many of you an avenue to say to her how she had touched your lives. And thank you for all the prayers for her and for all of us, it certainly meant more than you know. A few of you suggested that I keep this up and post to it every now and then, perhaps I will, but in reality this is probably my final post. But as Mom always said 'Never say Never'.

So, once again, on behalf of the entire Broerman family 'Thank You' to all of you for everything you did for all of us. Take care, Jim

'Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world seemed right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance'

Arrangements

The arrangements are set for Mom's funeral. Her funeral will be at 10:30 a.m. Friday at St. Mary's Catholic Church, Pontiac. Visitation will be from 4 to 8 p.m. Thursday at the church, where a rosary will be recited at 3:30 p.m. Burial will be at St. Mary's Catholic Cemetery, Pontiac. Duffy Funeral Home, Pontiac, is in charge of arrangements. Online condolences may be made at duffyfuneralhome.com.

We had originally set the arrangements not to start until 3 days later with the hope that Karen and Bill would be able to get Christopher home from Afghanistan. Unfortunately, this is not going to happen. He will not be released to come home for this.

Here are phone numbers for the local hotels if anyone should need to stay overnight.

Comfort Inn (815) 842-2777
Holiday Inn (815) 844-4444
Super 8 (815) 844-6888
3 Roses Bed & Breakfast (815) 844-3404 (1 block from church)

Heaven has a new Angel

It is my very sad duty to report to you all that Mom passed away at 4:30 a.m. this morning. She had such a tough time the last couple of days and mercifully the Lord has ended her suffering and called her home. We know she is in a better place now.

The arrangements aren't fully complete, but we are looking at having a visitation on Thursday evening and the funeral Friday morning. Karen and Bill's son Christopher is stationed in Afghanistan and they are making contact to bring him home. This will take a minimum of 48 hours. I will confirm these times and let you know as soon as I can.

Many of you know that I have been involved with the Elks Lodge here in Pontiac for the past 17 years or so. Whenever a member dies we honor them at the next meeting. Although Mom was not an Elk, these words are etched in my mind this morning. I don't think they will mind much if I use them for her today.

'In vain we call. She has passed into the light which is beyond the valley of the shadow of death. The places that have known her shall know her no more; but her virtues are written upon the tablets of love and memory.'

Rest in peace dear Mom, our love for you will go on forever. Jim

A Remarkable Woman

Mom is still hanging on and little has changed. She is so uncomfortable. It is so hard to watch her go through this. The dying process takes a pace of it's own. But, through all of this, she is still the sweet and gentle woman we have always known.

How does she maintain her caring nature through this? Few of us would avoid bad temperament. No one could blame her if she just plain cursed the situation she is in and took it out on those around her. Many times, I think, this is what happens and families have to remind themselves of what the patient is going through. This is not the case here. She just doesn't complain. When she does speak it is full of 'please' and 'thank you'. She tells everyone that helps her 'I love you'. And she prays. Her rosary is right beside her and she reaches for it often.

So now, even in death, she is teaching us and setting an example. We are truly blessed to have her.

Caregiving

When you have 12 children chances are a lot of things you need in life can be facilitated by one of us. Mom and Dad helped prepare us in many different ways. Between the two of them a whole set of skills were passed down. Whatever additional skills we learned were enhanced with their morals and values instilled in us, (even if at times we may not have thought we needed them lol). Those traits are evident in all of their siblings families too.

But, there is one skill that in these final months, weeks, days and hours that Mom has relied on, maybe more than any other in her life. It's strange how the timing of things happen and how things work out. It makes you wonder if it's help that comes from above. It just so happened that at the same time Mom would need someone by her side to assist with health care, her daughter with nursing skill would be taking leave of that field and be able to move in with her.

I just wanted to take the time before Mom passes and we end this blog, to thank Becky for what she has done for Mom the last couple of months. I am sure I'm safe in saying on behalf of everyone who loves Mom "Thank You Becky!" She has gone above and beyond the call and has shown true compassion, patience and love. She has been a God Send for all of us and Mom has been well taken care of. I know Becky does not look for recognition in this and considers it a privilege to have been able to do it. I also know there has been a comfort level for Mom too, with having one of her own children taking care of her. Thanks again Becky, we all love you.

Time getting scarce

Time is getting more scarce now. The hospice nurse put mom on oxygen yesterday and had a hospital bed brought in today. She is taking very little nourishment. She is off most of her medication now and is taking morphine. She is still alert when not sleeping and is talking, although her voice is very weak. Her spirit is still good and she is trying hard to visit with everyone who stops to see her. Her left lung is completely incapacitated with fluid now and is making breathing difficult sometimes.

Sorry for the bad report, but I know everyone is concerned. I'll let you know if there are anymore changes. Keep those prayers coming. Jim

Paged Dr. Hough last night

Stopped by Mom's last night after work and she was still down and out. It's surprising for her to go from one extreme on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, where she was doing as good as she has in the last month, to Thursday, Friday and Saturday where she is as sick as she has been since she was in the hospital.

Becky and I discussed more of what made her feed so good on those days vs. what caused the turnaround to this. Last weekend she was suffering with the bad rash and on Sunday she was started on prednisone. On Tuesday we took her to Dr. Hough and he gave her a shot of cortisone for the rash and told us we could stop the prednisone.

We had Dr. Hough paged last night and spoke to him about it. He said the shot would not have caused this and actually should have helped. We talked about how well she did after being on the prednisone for a few days he said to start her back up on it. It will stimulate her appetite and he also called in a liquid prescription to help the appetite also. It was clearly the fact that she started eating more last week that was making her so strong, just as it is clear that she only had 2 pieces of toast and one Popsicle from Thursday though Saturday and she has gotten so weak. I just now called Becky and Mom took 2 pills last night and was having some toast this morning. Becky said she did look a little better this morning. Her rash is going away also.

Lets pray that these pills are the answer to keeping her hungry and strong. As Dr. Hough made sure to point out that our goal here is to keep her comfortable to the end and if this is what does it then lets keep her on it. Take care, Jim